On your mark, get set......

Well, we have the appointment set for my husband's procedure. In three days, we will know if we are going through this IVF procedure or not. To say that I am nervous, is a HUGE understatement.

I am nervous for him. I can't believe all that he has to endure so that we can have a child. I love him so much. I think about all the selfish husbands who wont even get a vasectomy because they are afraid of the discomfort and then I think about my beloved who did that for his first wife, then had it reversed for me (a very painful surgery) and is now going through another procedure 18 months later on that very sensitive area. I am so lucky. In fact, I just sent him the following note - "I just wanted to tell you that I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH! Thanks for all the sacrifices you are making in order for us to have a child. You are the BEST husband ever!"

I think IF can tear a lot of relationships apart. It has not done that to us. We are already so close - best friends that share everything - but this has brought us closer in a spiritual way.

I am also getting nervous on my end. I will be starting my period any day now, which means that I will be cycling very soon. At first I was excited - now I just am scared - scared of how my body will react to the meds, scared of the PIO shots (progesterone in oil shots that are intramuscular), scared of ER (primarily the pain afterwards because I hear they knock you out pretty good for that), and MOST of all scared of a negative pregnancy result after all of this.

I do have faith though, that it will all work out according to God's plan eventually. Having said that, however, it is still hard to wait. I am not a person that handles not knowing well. But I will wait and I keep replaying the words to a song that helps right now "There's a light at the end of this tunnel". I heard it yesterday on the way to church and felt very reassured that my time will come.