Friday, January 11, 2008

Three's Company

Well, I have finished the final stage of my IVF treatment - Embryo Transfer.

ET took place two days ago. The last few days have been amazing in so many ways. Let's start from the night before embryo transfer. My beloved and I talked about the very real possibility that we could get the call the next morning that there simply was no embryos to transfer. As we talked about it, I explained to him that I fully accepted that if that was God's plan that although the phone call would be painful to receive I was okay with that. I explained how this whole IVF process has brought me so much closer to God and for that I am eternally grateful.

You see, before this IVF, I always loved God and thought God loved me but not specifically me. I always felt I was so small in the grand scheme of this universe that how could God love me so intimately to want to be involved in my everday life. But through the stress and pain of the procedures, tests, and anxieties over outcomes, I came to realize that indeed God did love me and wanted to be in all the little details of my life. As I explained this transformation in my relationship to God and how I have been sharing my faith with the women on one of the infertility boards I am on and how they seem to be responding (very postive and loving), his response was that perhaps this IF struggle and my way of coping with it was supposed to change him. He told me how watching my faith only get stronger has changed him as well.

Wednesday morning - I had just told Beloved that "Well the phone hasn't rung yet" when of course it did. I looked at the number and of course it was my clinic. Beloved ran to me as we received the news...three of the four embryos looked good and we would be transferring them in a couple of hours. My hands shook as I shut the phone. Beloved and I shared a big hug and a kiss and got ready. A few moments later, I knew that I had to stop what I was doing (getting ready for the appt) and take time out to give thanks to One that truly made this possible. Beloved and I knelt down to pray - I was going to start but was crying too hard to actual speak, so Beloved said a beautiful prayer of thanks. That drive down to the clinic was the best one - the first one that was filled with hope instead of anxiety.

The transfer was an amazing experience - They showed us the pics of the embies and discussed how many to transfer. Based on my age, we decided to do all three. Then we watched them load the catheter on the big tv screen and as they moved down the cath - it was so cool to watch the three little things chasing each other / flowing down the tube, then we switch over to the ultrasound and I got to watch them as they got put in. They had Enya playing in the background which at first I thought was cheesy but in the end really liked it. When I got wheeled back to my recover area, Beloved, ran up and gave me several sweet kisses and I could see that for the first time he was relieved and enjoying this a bit. As I was getting off the OR table onto my gurney, the sweet embryologist blew me a kiss. Later while I was waiting (you have to lay down for about 20-30 minutes afterwards), he came over and we talked a bit. He has the best bed side manner and is just so kind, which I told him. He gave me a sweet kiss on the hand. I feel very comforted knowing this was the man taking care of my embryos and even if it does not work, it has been a wonderful experience.

So now I am in the dreaded two week wait period (2WW)- though for me it is not dreaded, because while I am waiting I can hope and pray that those little guys are nestling in nice and safe. My secretary calls me "mommy" every time I go down to the office and you know what - I love it! Last night at the girls basketball games, a friend asked if I was in the "family way" and I said yes kinda. That I had three embies in but that they weren't in in yet.

The bloodwork test to see if I am pregnant is in 9 days. I plan to cheat and take a home pregnancy test the day before - in the event that it is a negative blood test, I wont be hearing it for the first time on the phone.

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