Monday, November 12, 2007

Catchin up

I have not written since last week. Not a lot to report on. I had my mammogram (or as my youngest calls it - the boob squishy thing) on Friday. Those are NO FUN. I was pretty uncomfortable, especially when they had to do one twice in a row, because the computer did not read the signal. I feel a lot better though just having it done. I also got a flu shot on Thursday. I guess the one good thing about this whole infertility treatment stuff is that it is making me take better care of myself. I think had we been able to get pregnant naturally (and easily), I would still be taking my health for granted. I know I would definitely still be taking God's place in my life for granted. So today - I rejoice in my infertility and how much better and stronger I already am because of it.

Now having said that, I was not rejoicing on Sat. night. I was having quite the pity party for myself after hearing that my oldest stepdaughter was going to go dress shopping with her mom and possibly her mom's boyfriend and his daughter. I had expressed earlier to my daughter that I wanted to go with her also when they looked for dresses, especially being so involved with the dance (being on the decoration committee and volunteering to chaperone). I was broken-hearted Saturday night, once again being not so subtly reminded that "I am not their mother, nor will I ever be." I just excused myself for a bit and shed a few tears. For whatever reason, that event made the ache for my own child so severe that night. My beloved offered to call his ex and make sure that I could be included as well - but who wants to be included that way.

My sweet husband then got the kids going with a pillow fight, which cheered me up. It was the perfect way to blow off the hurt and anger. We had a ball even though a little glass was broken (pillow gone astray) and I (and the kitchen floor) ended up soaked. My littlest came sneaking in the kitchen with her pillow, when I turned and asked "What ya doing with that pillow?" - her reply was "I was just gonna lay down in here." So I turned my back and went back to washing dishes. As she approached (she is not subtle), I whipped around and covered her face with wet soapy hands. She, however, got the ultimate revenge at the sink (I thought I was very funny giving her wet-willies and laughing), when she grabbed the sprayer, put it over her shoulder and let go. I got drenched, but we both had a good laugh. I love my family!

All in all - a great weekend.

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