Where do I begin? I feel so new to this journey, yet realize that I have already been on it for many years.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a "Mom". I wasn't in a rush, however. I went to college...met my college sweetheart...married him 4 years later...decided to wait a bit before starting a family and enjoy "just being married" as so many had advised .....
and then hit the first break in my path ...... my new husband changed his mind and did not want to have children anymore .... "just wait" others said "he will change his mind." ...and so I waited....four more years of hoping and encouraging "but you will be such a good Dad"...and still nothing...two more years of troubled marriage...
and hit the second break in my path...filed for divorce....
a year later found a new path...fell in love and married my best friend...but this path although easy because of love is a rocky path to motherhood because my beloved husband had had a vasectomy. This road, however, also has the joy of stepmotherhood - to two beautiful and loving girls. Six months after the wedding, my husband had a vasectomy reversal...and after eighteen months of trying to conceive with no luck we went back for a recheck....and have found that we are now on the path of infertility....
so here I am today... traveling along my broken road to motherhood and realizing that all the bumps along the way have made me who I am and although it is tough and I am afraid will get tougher, I am blessed because in some ways - I already am a "Mom" to my stepdaughters and I have found my soulmate, who will be by my side as we face this fork in the road of IVF - or adoption...
I don't know what tomorrow will bring...but I pray that whatever happens it is God's will and that I will know enough to be happy for it.
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